Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
