don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
