I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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