I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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