and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
