His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
