i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
