you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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