Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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