i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
