Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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