So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
