Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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