Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
