There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
