Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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