Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
