marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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