No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
