LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Let's get the cat blown out
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
