standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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