His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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