I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
