Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dicks are not precious.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
