It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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