He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
