dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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