I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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