On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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