I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
