I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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