but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
