I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
