I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
