so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
