she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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