'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
