"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
