The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
bring money and cleavage
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
