Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
