the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
