i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
