TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
