You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
