Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
