a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
