you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
