No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
