I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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