I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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