i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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