hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
