Im at strip club and am horny
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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